Can’t Even Drown My Sorrows in Ice Cream Anymore

I don’t usually get super personal here. I like to keep it colorful, crafty, and full of vinyl and paint and washi tape. I also don’t usually say “hey, sorry I’ve been super busy and haven’t been posting as much.” But this time I’m sharing.

I had gestational diabetes during my last pregnancy, about 8 years ago. I always knew that put me at risk for developing full blown diabetes later. I just always thought it would happen much later. Or maybe I’d be lucky. But it’s caught up with me now, or finally presented itself anyway.

I still don’t know if it’s type 2 (where I have insulin but it’s just not working well.) If that’s the case, the Metformin I’ve been taking for 4 days, which makes me tired and queasy so far, will start to help. 

The other possibility is an autoimmune variety where my body is attacking any insulin that I do make. I’m still waiting on results of an antibody test. In that case, Metformin won’t help me and I’ll have to do insulin shots instead, giving my body what it needs to move glucose from my blood into my cells so it can be used as energy. (Probably explains why I’ve felt more tired than normal lately–too much glucose in my blood and not being turned into energy.)

I realize that this is not the worst thing that could happen. It will be manageable, it’s not going to kill me, and there are plenty of other health issues that would be harder to deal with.

But it still sucks. I’ve still cried. I’ve cried at home, and at church, and driving the in the car, and at the grocery store. And I’ve even cried in front of my kids, which I really didn’t want to do because I don’t want to scare them.

I look at food and feel like everything is poison. I know I have to eat, to help keep my blood sugar levels relatively even–but anything I want to eat could make it spike. It’s a very strange feeling, and one that I hope goes away soon.

I’m going to miss my treats. It’s going to take a lot of time, especially at first, figuring out what I can eat, when I have to eat it, what I have to eat it with, and what I have to give up for the day, or forever. But my husband has been awesome, and has already taken over dinners for the last month. He works from home, so there’s no commute time, and it just takes away that one stress for me while I’m focusing on school.

Kiki & Co

So, here I am, trying to figure out how this new part of my life fits in with everything else in my life. It will include a lot of faith and prayer. I may write a follow up post, when I know more details about what long term management is going to look like. But until then, thanks for reading. And have some Cadbury Mini Eggs for me, ok? 🙂

Here’s my update post.

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