Bravery and Beauty

There are over 100 women posting on this same topic today. The idea that we are brave, we are beautiful, we don’t have to try so hard to impress everyone because at the end of the day, what matters is that we like ourselves. With so many to choose from, I wasn’t sure if anyone would actually end up on mine. But you are here. 

So here’s my beauty shot–where I’m all dolled up and stuff 🙂

And then here’s my no-makeup, random headshot taken with my phone….and where I get all honest and stuff on you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of being brave, and liking who you are, and not having to try so hard, ever since Megan first told me about the project. I kept trying to think of some way that I could really be inspiring. What have I been through that can make it easier for someone else? What magic words will bring someone to tears and realize that they have worth.

And in the end, I was the one crying.

The only person I have to inspire is me. And I haven’t been doing a very good job of that lately. I also don’t mean that in a totally egotistical way of “everything’s about me.” But it was in those moments of trying to create some heroic story about myself, that I realized I was, once again, trying to compete.

I had a really rough summer. And I’m a little embarrassed to tell you that, because it didn’t come out of tragedy, or loss or heartbreak. It was just a really hard summer where I felt too busy, too disconnected from my family, too much value placed on what I was doing and not who I was with. There were days when the idea of cooking dinner for my family was just crushing. Days when I didn’t want to even be around the people I love. Days when I lay curled up in my bed, just sobbing. Days when one of our girls was in tears again over the dog that we only kept for a week (long story) and I felt like it was MY fault for not trying hard enough….causing more tears from me. Or that maybe if I’d been in a better place we could have made it work and I wouldn’t have felt so overwhelmed by everything.

And for all the things around me that weren’t getting done, it was somehow caused by me trying too hard. Ironic, right?

Some things have gotten better. I’ve done a lot of therapeutic talking with my husband. I’ve been spending more time with my kids. I’ve been spending time on my spiritual “health.” I’ve been trying to take better care of my body, and I’m liking me again. 

For me, this idea of being brave didn’t so much come from being able to post a picture of myself with out makeup on. It was about admitting to myself where I really am right now. Admitting that I can’t do it all, but I can do what’s important. And letting you see that too.